Definitions of a “recurrent miscarriage” vary, some sources stating it is “two or more” pregnancy losses and some stating “three or more”.
You may have read my previous story https://ftminmelbourne.com/the-1in4/ which summarises my first experience of a miscarriage in the form of a ‘blighted ovum’.
Four months after the D&C for this, I found myself holding a positive pregnancy test in my hands again. The feelings that accompanied this were completely different from the first time, understandably. Feelings were not the only thing that was different, the “second line” on the test was really quite faint. I performed the test in the afternoon and thought this may be the reason for the faint line. I repeated the test the next morning, and it remained faint. I repeated the test a few more times over that day and the following day, with a sense of obsession. I was showing each test to my husband and lining them up to compare the lines, and study them carefully to determine if the line was in fact, fainter than before.
Of course, I then googled “faint line on pregnancy test” and my both head and heart were sent into an anxious spin from reading the potential outcome.
Once again, I knew. Deep down, I knew that this pregnancy was not going to be successful. Having said that, how do you define/measure “success” when it comes to pregnancy? Is “success” being able to conceive? Of having a positive pregnancy test? Of having a “viable” pregnancy? Of delivering a healthy baby?
With a handful of faint lines staring back at us, so did the gut-wrenching reality. I knew that once again, my gut feeling was right. This was going to be another loss of the opportunity to become parents. A loss of the chance.
And then followed the dread, again. How long would it take for my body to kick into the “miscarriage gear”? Less than a week later, the bleeding began.
In this instance, I experienced what appeared to be a “chemical pregnancy”. I guess this speaks for itself in terms of a definition. I believe that medically, a chemical pregnancy is not actually considered to be a miscarriage. Therefore, it is not “counted in the numbers” that add up to meet the criteria of experiencing a recurrent miscarriage. However, for my husband and I, a positive line on a pregnancy test was exactly that – positive to being pregnant. After all, hcg was being produced in order to show up as the second line. And so, for us, this was our second miscarriage which meant that according to some guidelines, we met the criteria for investigations into “recurrent miscarriage”.
We happened to be ahead of the game, so to speak. Following my first miscarriage, and given our age, my husband and I felt that we would like investigations to determine if there was any cause to the miscarriage, and if so, know about this sooner rather than later. Gratefully, our GP was supportive of a referral to a fertility specialist at this early stage of our journey to trying to become parents.
I share more about selecting a fertility specialist (when not needing IVF), and our experience of this in my blog.
I can summarise my biggest learning being simply to trust your gut instinct. You know your body better than anyone. You will know when things aren’t right. And you will know when is the right time for you (and your partner) to seek professional help.
Be your own self-advocate. This can be easier said than done. Where possible, surround yourself with a good support network. For us, when embarking on the journey towards trying to become parents, having a good GP was a necessity. More so, having a GP who can offer continuity of care so that you don’t have to repeat your story to a different doctor each time. For us, having been cared for by a great GP for so long was a blessing. Throughout our journey, to walk into each GP appointment, we felt so much comfort in trusting that our GP knew our story and was a partner in our journey.
If you’ve read this, thank you for your time and attention. If you or someone you know can take something away from my sharing, may it help you. Whether it be to empathise, or to increase awareness, or encourage self-advocacy. Whatever it may be, I hope it has helped.